Saturday, Sep 30, 2006

"Where the Heart longs, it does not Belong..
What the Heart wishes, it gets Misguided..
Who the Heart wants, it gets Rejected..
When the Heart turns Black..
Everything else is just an Illusion..."


Pain is no longer wat i feel..i think i am pretty much null to pain alrdy..now i am feeling sth else..
Sth more profound..yet at e same time..simple..
Sth tt cannot be explained....yet understood..


What is joy?What is pain?
What is love?What is hate?
What is it that life gives?
What is it that life takes?
What is life?


How does the heart endure all that life has in store for it?Love as it is..very much like Hate..is a double-edged sword..


"Where the Heart longs, it does not Belong.."
What am I fighting for?Where do I wanna be?the answer is clear..but e answer itself..is too far..


"What the Heart wishes, it gets Misguided.."
I wish, I wish, I wish..but it is never answered..much like an unanswered prayer..I can only carry on wishing..More often than not, I haf to bring myself back..


"Who the Heart wants, it gets Rejected.."
That goes without saying..


"When the Heart turns Black..
Everything else is just an Illusion..."
I am experiencing Tsunami, Bliazzard, Thunderstorm, Sandstorm, what have you, ALL in waves..after waves..after waves..but I keep picking myself up..time and again I noe I lose sth..but time and again..I tell myself not to give up..
Yeah..but if this keeps up..I might become a person w no feelings..after all..I no longer feel pain alrdy..I've always thought that feelings can co-exist w everything life has to give..but now it seems..it is time to throw away feelings..it is e dreadful thing..it is time to set my priorities..perhaps it is e time..to withdraw myself back to my own world once more..be totally devoid of feelings altogether..be that idiot sitting in e dark corner..caring only for himself..be alone..Once more..Sometimes..the best place to find Serenity..is within oneself..


I now am a lost sheep once again..My life is looping ard..as a sheep..First time was after e break..this sheep got so lost..that it took him quite some time to recover..but he got up..he got up..took some time..but he got up..then after some time..he was founded by a nice shepherd..which he grew fondly close to..however..the shepherd..kinda left..leaving e sheep lost once again..but he got up..he got up..took lesser time than before..but he got up..However at this pt in time..e sheep grew ever more wary abt shepherds..ever more wary abt life..so much so that he abstained from shepherds..why, even herds of sheeps he oso nv got close..and then one fine day..another good shepherd came along..initially the sheep was very wary..he was very cautious..but somehow..he drew closer to e shepherd..but still keeping his distance..Soon he put his guard down and thought tt he finally found a good shepherd to be with..However it was not meant to be..the shepherd has another sheep..he was really sad..really sad..but he knows he has found a good shepherd..so he got up..he got up..he remained close ard e shepherd knowing tt e existence of e other sheep will rid his own very existence..but he remained..he remained..as it is..time went by..he remained..but along e way..many a times,this sheep sat down, all depressed, all down, all lost..but he got up..he got up..took not much time at all..but he got up..continued staying near e shepherd..however it was not meant to be..e shepherd suddenly said e other sheep doesn't want him around..disapproves of e shepherd contacting him..Now the sheep is lost once again..This time around..can he get up?can he get up?only time will tell..but..can he get up?


There's just so much in my head now..I wanna go back to being alone again..But I noe I will regret if I give up now..I wanna press on..press on..press on..
Faith comes from within..within means e heart..but e heart is weak alrdy..what is there for me to believe in now?Where do I get my strength?How do I go on?



Wow..i haf typed quite a lot..but there is so much more i wanna say..but i guess..a picture speaks a thousand words..i haf found a picture tt best describes my feelings, my situation, my heart..right now... >>>>

How To Keep a Healthy Level of Insanity

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Everytime someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in".
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over thier caffine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."
7. Don't ever use punctuation marks.
8. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
9. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
10. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
11. Sing along at the opera.
12. Go to a poetry recital and ask loudly why the poems don't ryhme.
13. When standing in a crowded elevator, peer into your purse or briefcase and whisper, "Got enough air in there?"
14. Put mosquito netting around your desk or cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Remember that elevator we were talking about? Make explosion noises every time someone pushes a button.
17. When money comes out of the ATM machine, scream "I won, I won!!! Third time this week!!!"
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives! They're loose!!"
19. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go..."And the final way to banish boredom...
20. Send this to everyone in your email address book(including yourself), even if they sent it to you or asked you not to send them stuff like this.

Food for thought..

Yet another article i extracted from my older blog...enjoy..
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"It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by the dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions and spends himself in a worthy course; who at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who, at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly; so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory or defeat."
THEODORE ROOSEVELT(Paris Sorbonne,1910)


I recently also came upon another food for thought..it reads: "we live in a Newtonian world of Einsteinian physics ruled by Frankenstein logic.."
How very true...

i bet u will read this twice~!

I posted this in my older blog..but decided to pull it here..to lighten e mood..hehehe...
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A bus stops and two Indian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Den I come one lasta time."

YOU FOUL-MOUTHED PIG," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa?I'm justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'MISSISSIPPI'."

life's beautiful~

yep..i guess i finally snapped out of it..hmm..more or less la..Still falling..but definately not getting myself to e sad pit..

Life is beautiful..hmm...hvn i always been telling myself that?perhaps recently i got too consumed by my feelings that i juz overlooked this..Whatever it is..i now haf a renewed renewed strength..time is still of e essence here..but heck..i can wait...after all..i came here w nothing..worse come to worse..i leave w nothing..

Alright..so much for renewed strength..i am feeling like jelly now..juz came back from a swim..swam 38 + 4 + 4 today..yep..1.9km laps to juz cui myself...4 laps each to warm up and cool down..wa..i really am feeling good..juz..a bit jelly-like..haha..now need to work on my timing alrdy..

Studies so far..alright la..programming is good..maths..err..so-so..electronics dun need say...it has sunk..LOLz..(i still a bit searching for my HQ)..shall elaborate more on this some other time..now a bit butter fingers to really type..

Life's beautiful~
it sure is..

However...i'll still be waiting....

My first sad blog

Ya..and this was supposed to be "another phase" in my life..telling myself no more sadness is to be felt anymore..but i guess..it juz doesnt work that way..

And so here i am..my very 1st sad blog..of this blog..

It's really saddening..i dunno wat to do now..all of a sudden..my whole world juz crumbled..and all of a sudden..happiness is taken away from me..and all of a sudden..i am all alone..once more..

I found hope..afterwhich e strength to carry on..then all was taken away..like it was not meant to be..i then found renewed strength again..but..somehow..i keep getting weak..i haf to constantly remind myself..that i muz hang on..i haf finally found wat is truly worth fighting for..and i cannot let myself down..

I am juz hoping..things will work out...somehow...SOON~

My alrdy frail heart..i'm afraid..is unable to take anymore heartbreaks...

I feel like i am wearing a mask now..showing a somewhat happy exterior..when deep inside..the world's churning like there's no end..i noe tt things cannot be e same again..but at least..for now..at least..do not forsake me....

I'm Losing Myself...

I...

I'm losing myself...

Self-reflection: a crossroad?

haf i come upon a time now..where i haf met yet another crossroad?

nope..not academically...not physically..not in terms of anything tt i haf been doing thus far..Sighz..juz wat is it tt i shd do?Morally, i noe i shdnt exist..physically, i noe i shd juz be there to be there..emotionally, my place is everywhere..
Experience and morale says i shd back out..and move on..
Heart and mind says stay put at e crossroad..and see wat happens..and see wat time has to offer..
Feelings, all over e place..wanna go everywhere..sheesh..

Crap..wat am i saying man?lolz..

As of now..my choice is at staying put..not that i made a choice..but i am juz..waiting...waiting..time..is of e essence here..

"Chances come to those who persist."

Am i persisting?Or am i juz waiting for a chance?what am i doing, really?
Am i juz wasting my life?what are my options?
Am i giving myself a chance?Or is chance forsaking me?

Or..is chance no longer a factor in my life?

Life's questions..left unanswered..can make one feel so lost..at e same time..make one
feel e need to get stronger..

I guess..i am taking things as they come..

"If it's yours..it's yours.."
If it isn't, it isn't..

Heck..life still goes on..