Another phase

The many things on my mind

2010-04-03T22:59:00.002+08:00

There's been a huge amount of things running thru my mind for quite a while now...
Cant's seem to shake them off...well..tt's cos they are really very important to be shaken off anyway, but it's really wearing me down..each day i'm bogged by such thoughts and sometimes i juz lose myself wondering what should i do...

I've decided to type this out...sorta air my feelings, as i feel like exploding soon...i suppose this is a sort of release for me...

The first issue on my mind, well, since i'm still studying, is that of my academics..FYP has taken its toll in me, in terms of time, finances and even the will to fight on to study...it is just so pressing tt i dun really feel like doing anything anymore..

The exams are coming, and tt's really making things more difficult for me...FYP examiner wants amendments to report but nv reply email..gosh!!!!!!

The second thing on my mind is finances.. I've been living on the edge for quite some time now, but at least i'm still able to survive..Hell, but what's gonna happen once i'm done w uni? It's so difficult to secure a job now, and i cannot always count on Lua to help me in this aspect...The cost of living here is nothing but an uphill climb, and yet jobs dun pay so good (assuming i do get one)...money money money...everything needs money...on top of bills, there's still repayment for my dad's CPF (for uni fees)..transport isn't exactly very cheap, let alone getting a car...there's oso the need to save money for wedding, for marriage, and also for miscellaneous spendings...what abt the random outings, gatherings, cravings and the momentous spur of moments purchases? I really dun wan her to be working so hard, i wanna support her in every way i can in this aspect...No money no money no money...

The next thing on my mind...is somewhat sth tt's been bothering me for very very very very long...and tt's e fact tt i can't let go to allow her haf her own time out w herself (which pretty much includes her family, her frens, and basically herself)....i noe deep down tt i cannot be holding so tight, i haf to ease up and not worry so much...but somehow, this is an innate body function...i've tried to go slp w/o thinking abt it, but e body juz refuses to rest whenever she's out there somewhere..it's not tt i dun trust her (well, actually it's e rest of society i dun trust, but heck, what's there to trust anyway?), and i know very well she can take care of herself, but somehow i juz can't seem to let it go...i'm really trying to curb this feeling, this inner sensation, to really fight it, and hopefully one day i can be rid of this pressure...i'd need to be stronger psychologically..

Another big thing on my mind is her...her for her...her for everything she is...I'm really worried about her...how she is always working all e time...not getting enough rest, degrading her health...gosh..i wish i cld juz do sth for her...and looking back on my previous paragraph, i'm pretty sure i hvn exactly been a good help to her...sigh...i really feel useless at this point in time...and this feeling really sux...

Sucks big time!

Sigh...even after writing this..i still feel like a piece of shit...

Feel like crying sometimes...but i've alrdy promised myself tt i cannot let tears drop for such issues anymore..I need to be stronger...i am my own pillar of life...

Only problem is, no matter how independent a person is, one will always need a partner, to support in times of need, in times of turmoil..But at this point in time, tt partner has enough of her own problems already, so pretty much i'm on my own...

I'm on my own... ...

Torn

2009-03-29T23:59:00.000+08:00

I thought I saw a man brought to life
He was warm, he came around like he was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry
Well you couldnt be that man I adored
You dont seem to know, dont seem to care what your heart is for
But I dont know him anymore
Theres nothing where he used to lie
My conversation has run dry
Thats whats going on, nothings fine Im torn

Im all out of faith, this is how I feel
Im cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
Im wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
Youre a little late, Im already torn

So I guess the fortune tellers right
Should have seen just what was there and not some holy light
To crawl beneath my veins and now
I dont care, I have no luck, I dont miss it all that much
Theres just so many things that I cant touch, Im torn

Im all out of faith, this is how I feel
Im cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
Im wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
Youre a little late, Im already torn. torn.

Theres nothing where he used to lie
My inspiration has run dry
Thats whats going on, nothings right, Im torn

Im all out of faith, this is how I feel
Im cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
Im wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
Im all out of faith, this is how I feel
Im cold and Im ashamed bound and broken on the floor
Youre a little late, Im already torn

juz wat i'm feeling right now...except..i'm a guy...

My thoughts exactly...

2009-01-22T17:03:00.003+08:00

Hmm...haven't really got e time to blog...
Here's a few excerpts tt really depicts what i've been feeling for a long time now..

http://wenwhy14.blogspot.com/2008/10/la-great-affective-divide.html
http://wenwhy14.blogspot.com/2008/10/alien-invasion-of-bubble-island.html

These are taken off from YiWen's blog...she really writes very well...ought to pick up a pointer or two from her...

Gosh!

2009-01-22T15:41:00.000+08:00

Gosh~ nv really realise i will be blogging after so long..hahah...this blog seems dead again... -_-

Currently doing IA...in office now...waiting for next task...am soooooo slpy...time sure crawl by when u are NOT doing anything..sighz...i wanna slp....

Dead Blog

2008-10-26T19:25:00.002+08:00

SO dead so dead...

This blog is so dead...hahaha...

No time and mood to blog....

I Feel Terrible

2008-04-10T14:33:00.002+08:00

i'm feeling terrible.....
Terrible flu since i woke up...can't seem to shake it off...

Grr...

So much things running thru my mind now...
Feel like juz letting em go all at once.......

"Thought precedes action, action does not always precede thought."

My Thoughts

2008-04-10T04:45:00.001+08:00

Once.

Walking. Pissed.

Tired.

Lost.

Blur.

Walking. Back.

Same.

I'm non-existent.

Twice.

Walking. Alone.

This week, Recess Week

2008-02-27T21:24:00.002+08:00

This week is the Recess week...yep, one week recess from sch, to do some catching up and some other stuff...BUT...we,students of SCE, have to spend this whole week, doing our DDP,our micromouse project...

Starting each day at 8.30am (hell, i dun even wake up this early for lessons on a normal sch week, except for tutorials), and ending at 5pm...we have to be in school to work on our lil' mouse...

Sounds tough?Well actually...it's bene quite fun, really...no doubt it takes a lot of time, and sometimes a bit headache from wirings and programming, but so far, it's been good fun...i nv expected it to be this fun, seriously...

Oh well, it's the middle of the week alrdy, the team has made quite good progress, i muz say...we shd be getting the mouse ready to trace lines within the next two days...

However, this juz means that i'm unable to catch up w my current sch work and what not...I'm alrdy lagging behind in lectures and tutorials, as it is...and now, there's so many reports to be done, and many other lab projects to do...OMG...there's no end to this~

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending."

Issues left Unresolved

2008-02-10T21:01:00.000+08:00

Why is it that there are always so many problems?

Some old, some new....
Some left untouch, some juz pop out like tt...

How then, for some issues, do i face them?
How then, do i speak up?

Oh well..at least, like wat JM said, polo is now over...a big load off my shoulders...on to the many more other loads....

"It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it is because we do not dare that things are difficult."

S.I.G.H.

2008-01-16T13:30:00.000+08:00

Been sighing the whole time since i awoke this morning...
Sighz~

Overslept and turned up late for tutorial...
Sighz~

Presentation was saved in the wrong format...
Sighz~

Didn't bring the relevant notes for lecture...
Sighz~

So many setbacks..but e one thing tt really keeps me thinking and sighing...is tt which is still lingering ard...
Sighz~

It's been bugging me since the start...but not so much, since last nite...
Sighz~

I fear the distance will start to grow...
Sighz~

I fear the silence will start to fill the space...
Sighz~

Oh, please don't let it be a "STOP" sign...
Sighz~

It's just too much for me to handle...should the loss come...
Sighz~

"A relationship is like a rose. How long it lasts, no one knows. Love can erase an awful past, love can be yours, you'll see at last. To feel that love, it makes you sigh, To have it leave, you'd rather die. You hope you've found that special rose, 'cause you love and care for the one you chose."

A Neeeeew Year~

2008-01-06T22:01:00.000+08:00

Ya boyzzzz...it's a new year already...omigosh...year 2 sem 2 liao...starting tmr...how time flies...wootz~

The last month of 2007...was one filled w sweat, blood and smiles...friendships were forged..teams were bonded...pple were more understood...

And some....well...it came to understanding at another level...wootz~

The last month of 2007, was a good one for me...

From the guys...
From the teams...
From friends...
From her...

I guess..i've pretty much found somebody?
Only.....one problem still linger...

Oh wellz...

"We fear what we cannot see.."

Merry X'mas and a Happy New Year

2007-12-26T00:03:00.000+08:00

Rightttt....it's X'mas...alrite...not exactly...the day has juz ended...but still...it's juz another year gone like that...time flies like nobody's business..

Oh wellz...but as it is, it goes on a neverending road trip...

Went for cousy's bd celebration the day before, after tt went to Ezra's place for X'mas pt...wow man..i ate like a pig...hahahaha.....

So much things haf happened...but it all still seem that everything's the same...sighz...the problems tt is holding me down...when will they ever be resolved?

School
IHG
IVP
SAOBWA

Girls...
Girls?
Girl...

Ah yes...e singular form is more appropriate...Currently, i am in a state of self dilemma..whether to push on or move back...gosh....really a mind-boggling problem...

Well then, i guess tt juz about summarizes everything...dun feel like going into details...so i shall juz end off here...

MERRY X'MAS everybody! And a HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

"In three words, I can sum up what I've learnt about life: It goes on..."

Guys rules; Our rules!

2007-12-09T17:40:00.000+08:00

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Finally , the guys' side of the story.
We always hear " the rules " from the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways
and one of the ways makes you sad or angry,
we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say
during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"
We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying,
but it is just not worth the hassle

Questions

2007-11-26T19:34:00.000+08:00

In light of the recent happenings....exams, the occasional breaks, life, and death...come and go...like how someone wld walk into ur life, and then back out...

Like how someone wld walk into ur life, and then back out...Never to come back, ever again...My heart goes out to all those, whose lives have been enriched, in one way or another, by the dragon boaters, who has left this world....

Ezra, who lost 2 friends, mentioned that there were so many pple writing testimonials on (one of em) friendster's account...things like how they will be missed, and what not...

Question is...How is it that pple are never missed till they're gone? How is it that life can just be so fragile? Why the harsh reality of "come and go"?

Then i thought: if i were gone, will i be missed? Will anyone weep for me?

Questions, questions, questions, questions......

As if, the exams questions aren't tough enough already....Ah wellz, life goes on for those who still breathes...i was saying that i'm relatively neutral to losses...maybe it's cos, losses have become a big part of my life, that it hardly affects me now... wow~

3 papers down so far...201 tmr morning, 204 the next morning and e LAST paper, 202 on friday morning~~~! Gosh, i cant wait man....and cos i cant wait, i oso cant study...zzzzzzzzzzz....time to TRY to go back to e books...

"Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today."

My personality test...

2007-11-18T02:31:00.000+08:00

Studying's a chore....Did lots of "irritating pple" things today...hahha...all at e expense of Kim Hock's MSN...hehehehe....

Decided that i shd juz let go of wat i've been thinking so much of recently...yep...

Oh, and i took a personality test too~ CHECK it out~

ISFJ - "Conservator". Desires to be of service and to minister to individual needs - very loyal. 13.8% of total population.

Take Free Jung Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Main type	Variant

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Enneagram Test Results

Type 1	Perfectionism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Type 2	Helpfulness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	73%
Type 3	Image Awareness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Type 4	Sensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Type 5	Detachment	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Type 6	Anxiety	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Type 7	Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Type 8	Aggressiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Type 9	Calmness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%

Your main type is 2
Your variant is social

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

And So...

2007-11-15T09:45:00.000+08:00

And so here I am, somewhere within the realms of the SCE block...taking a short break from studying (not tt I have been studying for quite a while...juz barely started anyway)...

More specifically the SCR (Student Computer Room), where the computers are like a million yrs old, but still functional; Where the tables show signs of remnants of used eraser; Where students come to study, and some, to play; Where we had our daidee sessions; Where, for the rest of the month, my restless soul will reside...

Over the turmoil of the notes, tutorials, textbooks, past year papers and the ever so frequent use of the ancient computers to access the internet...Well, at least there's sth to take a break for (like wat i'm doing right now)...

Kim Hock's at a desk, 2 rows behind me...while I am on my own, in my own little world..err actually, it's juz me alone at this long desk...That aside, Hock has been suffering a bout of headaches recently...he's been studying too hard...It's not in my place to tell him to study smart, take a break and juz chill...cos tt's juz e way he is..then again...tt's how i am: a big time slacker (yeah...else why in e world wld i blog at this not-so unearthly time?)...In any case, i wish there was sth i can do for hock, but i'm so bogged down w my own stuff that i hardly haf e time to really care for pple...other than, of cos, the usual "hey man, how's things?", "morning bud, haf a good day..." or "Yozzz, all the best ya?"..but tt's all i can do as of now...i feel trapped within e solid, suffocating grasp of the exams...so much so, that at times, i juz give up fighting and let the time slip away, while my mind goes into a wild thinking mode...

Gosh, talk abt not enough time...so much things to do, so little time...but even more so when there's no determination, no drive to begin...keep thinking of.....things...grrr...why do i have to be so much of a thinker?which leads me to admire the strengths of Hock, who's pretty much a fighter...

Oh wellz, w all tt's said and done, at least I'm down w one paper...5 more to go.....time to boogey back to e ever sophisticated notes, tutorials, textbooks, past year papers and the ancient computer (if the need arises)...

"I should just shut out my thoughts...Not that they are any useful, but they just keep coming..."

First Paper

2007-11-14T15:38:00.000+08:00

First paper in 1hour 20min time...Omigosh....time really flies....sighz....But i really no drive to study liao...dunno why...oh wellz...

Genes is the first paper coming up....haf to thank the following pple who helped me along e way for this subject:

Isaac
Huiming
Elton
JianLiang
ZhanWei

After this paper...still got Accounting and my cores~~~~~ And i HAVEN'T even caught up on my cores........i'm sooooooo gonna die....SOBz SOBz...

Need to get my drive back man....Somebody help me~

"Why study for Exams....? Are they not about what you know, not about how much you can cram into your head the night before?"

Hilarious~~

2007-11-12T01:07:00.000+08:00

Hahaha...was searching for hokkien songs...when i chanced upon this video on YouTube...many will noe tt this song is actually "one million"...

Enjoy...It's freaking hilarious~~~

"Humour is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility."

A Blast from the Past

2007-11-05T23:38:00.000+08:00

Someone i knew way back in army, juz msged me...he's actually my upline in Venture Era...he was juz telling me that one of our products will be published in the newspaper, some time this week...i was like "wow, finally it's recognised publicly!"

haha...yeah...for those of u who have YET to noe (tt'll prob be...like almost everybody who noes i have a blog), i actually work for Venture Era...it's a network marketting company...QUITE newly established (though it has hit a million-dollar mark in earnings already)...and has very good products and pple w good attitudes (of cos, there're some exceptions)...

Some of u will probably irk at e fact tt i'm working in such a company...like "eeeee! MLM!!" haha...in effect, MLM and network marketting are 2 different things..but i shall not go into details abt it...too many complications...but ya...tt's one of e reasons why i actually went inactive for sooooo long...

Responses i got were (almost) always negative...(and i haf to wear formal -__-)...things juz din go well for me...things NEVER go well for me...well..i have to admit...the stuff we sell, are really good...not that i'm trying to promote it...but they're really good...e bracelet u see on my desk...woot~ tt's an example...e water system (tt's gonna be published), another example...and so many more...i got one mat for my dad...it kinda helped him abit (though i'm sure he will NEVER admit it did anything at all)...yeah...all e good stuff...hahaha...YES! it's health products, wat do u expect?

In any case, things juz weren't gg my way...thus i became an inactive distributor...once in a while getting small small stuff for frens, aunties...and whoever....those tt really cld help em, in one way or another...even then, these pple din quite appreciate wat was being done for em oso...but hack, it's alrdy done, and it was done for a greater good....so, tt's a consolation for me...

Many times, i wanted to go back...(of cos, there were many times which i DID go back)...but always mindful of the so many failures i've had before, i always fall short of my goals...

In light of the upcoming publication, i wonder, by how much wld Venture Era grow....

Oh wellz....Bet u fellas din noe that huh? Don't believe me? I show u my distributor card...wahahahaha....crap~

"The forgotten never forgets..."

Tis' A Good Day (A Tribute to Matthew)

2007-10-27T23:36:00.000+08:00

It's Saturday, 27th Oct 2007...It's a good day...hahaha...why?I dun really noe..I juz feel good..

Well, actually it's cos today's Matthew's bd celebration...His actual bd is tmr, 28th Oct, but he held the celebration today...he's 21 this yr....the key to freedom has finally been awarded to him...lolx....so to speak..

It's been....10yrs, since we first knew each other....we were lil' twirts back then, training waterpolo, testing Louis' wrath in watever ways we could, both intentionally and unintentionally...getting punished in all ways imaginable (actually, most of the times it was unimaginable)...

Through the years, we've trained together as team mates, school, club, national youth, national squad, and now the OLD MEN'S CLUB...Even though he's one year my junior, the phases of our trainings, in terms of timeline, are similar....However, he participated in more overseas matches than me..cos those matches occur at a crucial time for me (ie my exams), and therefore I cldn't go...

Talk about overseas trips...our first trip was the one to KL (and subsequently to Malacca)...we were like 14-15 at tt point in time..we went as club players...together with the club swimmers...haha..can rmb dale lai jio-ing jac lim, and matthew jio-ing her sister, tania...LOLx...e flings back then.....(ok, it doesn't include me)...This was also e trip, where robin goh stuffed his leg into the trunks of the Malacca centre, and almost drowned him...LOLx...tt guy came out w his face all red sia~~~~

The next trip we had together was the Kagoshima trip...we went as the national youth team....and we were like 15-16 (my 'O' level year)...but unlike the easy wins we had back in KL and Malacca, we were totally trashed in Kagoshima...the players there are juz college players, but their standard is as good as our national team...OMG! That aside, we had loads of fun there...e food, e sights, e sounds, e culture, e toilet seat, e GUIDE! Haha...she was a solid eye candy to all of us guys (players, coaches, old men (TEB) alike)....HAHAHAHHAHA....

Any more trips after that, i cldn't make it already...

The competitions we played...the tournaments we participated...the trainings that we attend...like mosquitoes drawn to blood, waterpolo was, is, and always will be in our veins, thoughts and strength...

We've practically watched each other grow up...been thru thick n thin...shared the good times....provided listening ears for the bad times...And now that matthew is grown up...seeing him, w his solid family...and priceless gf....makes me really happy for him...

Our next big project, is the setting up of the club for the SA boys...hope this one pulls through...

And may we be frens forever...

Just a Random Post

2007-10-21T15:02:00.000+08:00

Hahaha...yeah this is gonna be juz a random post...seeing how I hvn blogged for awhile...and somebody says I not blogging...hahaha....

Okok, tt aside...

I've currently ceased teaching swimming Sundays...taking a break till after exams...which is like in 3wks time...DARN!!!! tt's fast! My Saturday classes are on as usual though...so yup, at least still got a bit of income to squander after the papers....lolx...

The SA waterpolo club is currently (finally) under talks...The only problem now is that, it's coming at a wrong time..since most of us (seniors) are still studying, and that means our exams are fast approaching...therefore, we are gonna be squeezed dry, trying to study for exams, and coming out w a proposal...That being said, we are having a Past-vs-Present game on 3rd Nov...it's a day to make ourselves known to the current batch of players in SA...'C', 'B', 'A' div, and the girls team...our plan is such that, the seniors take on all of the present teams, round robin style...in other words, we seniors against all the 4 other teams...hahaha...2halves of 10minutes...i can foresee all of us old birds dying on that day...lolx...but e purpose of this game is to let the current batches of players know who they can turn to for help, and where they can go to, after they graduate...

Just a sidenote: To all my frens, u noe that I'm always behind u fellas all e way, in watever u do..
Specifically:
To the one who is having trouble w his "sister" (u noe who u are, u noe wat i mean), dun let it get u down..Sometimes all u need, is to let it be known wat u think..but watever it is, u haf my support.
To the one who is heading the thing called "Hexis" (everyone noes who u are, but u dun read my blog), dun let the opinions of other pple cloud the judgement of the choices u made/make. Such things will always inevitably make some pple unhappy, others not so unhappy..However, do not be stubborn to feedbacks, if any, and do ur best to keep the committee going..
To the one who doesn't wake up to the Fire Alarm (u really are a big sleeper), congrats on ur successful application to India...Guess I'll not be hearing the so many songs from u, next sem...
To the one who is seems muddle-headed abt wat to do w a certain girl he likes (u're always taking taxi, where ever u go), u haf to learn to lower down ur ego/pride, if u wanna go far...no wait...if u even wanna start sth w her...
Generally:
To the waterpolo guys (hall), u guys haf been superb! For now, let us all study hard for e exams, train even harder after that...
To the waterpolo guys (SA), the encouraging words are those words, which were nv spoken...
To all those, whom I've been very blessed to have, as frens, nv give up in watever u do...Life as it is, goes on...
End of sidenote.

EXAMS ARE COMING!!!!!!!!!!! OMG~~~~ Haiz....that being said...i kinda lost all my drive to study alrdy...So many assignments, labs, and i flung accounting quiz....ah wellz...i need to get my act together soon...and tt means like NOW~!!

Bought a shirt for dad, for his birthday....A shirt from Polo Raulph Lauren...LOLx...this is the most expensive gift I've ever given him, in my entire life...

Ahhh~~ Life...Life as it goes...i shall juz embrace it...

"I take life as it comes, as it goes"
"je prends la vie comme elle va, comme elle vient"
-La vie comme elle vient by Clémence(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=inDOub5Qcqk)-

This is good; This is bad...

2007-10-13T23:35:00.000+08:00

This is good: MAF on Wednesday. Check out Isaac and Ezra's blog to find out wat i mean....since wat i am gonna say, is pretty much wat they alrdy said...

This is good: The hall waterpolo team is growing stronger and stronger!! And it's not that we haf "foreign" addition...but it's simply cos e players are really improving...not by leaps and bounds, but definitely improving...We definitely are gonna haf a good year ahead of us...

This is good: The package for e polo/swim team~~OMG i juz cant wait to get hold of my very own set of the package...Ezra and I went down to Arena warehouse on Thursday, to discuss abt e package w Joyce...We got quite a good deal, but juz cldnt get our hands on e ones tt we tot were really good (cos out of stock)...Above all else, i think we shd still look mighty good, if the whole polo/swim team wear e same attire for matches/competition...we convey a huge psychological message man...Highlight of the day was the special shorts that Joyce showed us...that shorts is power, w water! LOLx...pity, Catalina wasn't ard tt day...she's e other Arena lady tt I (sorta) worked w back in JC...she's a real eye candy~~~

This is good: Being able to be a part of Hall life...and more specifically Hall 6..the pple are frenly, fun loving, kind, helpful, and all soooo crazy when e time comes...Erm..actually, even if e time doesn't come, they are still crazy anyway...hahaha...

This is bad: Exams are coming~~~~~!!!! Wat else needs to be said abt this to describe how bad it is?

This is bad: I'm still very very much lagging behind....in view of the exams coming, I'm in a disastrous state!!!!

This is bad: A big reason why i'm lagging behind is cos of CPE201 LAB!!!!!!!!!! omigosh...it's taking like an eternity to debug my calculator!!! I'm sorry, Ezra and Ronnie, if I'm of not much help to u for this...I need help myself too...Somebody help meeeeee~~~

This is bad: I flung my Accounting quiz...it's FLUNG, pple...not FAIL....grrrrrr...I'm lost in numbers...not translation....

This is bad: I need to study........but I'm freaking tired at e moment......and sian too.....

This is bad: And tt's y this post is up...

This......is sooo true:
"For there is nothing either good or bad, thinking makes it so."

A quick one

2007-10-05T11:59:00.000+08:00

Once again, it's a Friday, the end of the school week. That's really fast. Just last wk, it was only the recess wk. Now, we're one wk into the second part of the sem, which also means one wk closer to the exams. OMG..that's really a quick one....

Yesterday was BIS and IBG closing. All medals for the individual sports for IBG were given out. For me, I only got 2 medals. One for 4 (3) x 50 Freestyle, the other for 4 (3) x 50 Breaststroke. Of course, both of which are for swimming la. But I gave my medals away. Since e actual event was only 3swimmers each, there meant one spare medal for each event that we won, so a total of 2. I gave the 2 spare and my breaststroke one to e girls who came down to swim, and my freestyle one to Thai Ee.

Some may ask why did I do that?Guys medals for girls?

Well, the point does not lie in e medal itself. The point lies in e appreciation for em having came down and participated for the events. It's not so much about winning, but more on making an appearance. Everyone's a winner on that day, and I think they deserve a lil' sth. In a sense, by giving em the medals, it's a way of saying, "Thanks for coming down, and participate~" on my part.

Well, that's that. I'm now trying to study my Accounting for e quiz later. But nothing's going into my thick skull. *sighz*

"Winners compare their achievements with their goals, while losers compare their achievements with those of other people."

Sick, sick, HOT STUFF~

2007-10-01T17:27:00.000+08:00

Been having fever for e past few days...but check it out man, my highest temperature was recorded on Saturday..it was 39.5deg!! OMG...tt's really really hot...lolx...I only realised I was running that high a fever when I went to see the doctor,that evening...no wonder I was feeling like some jelly the whole day...

But then again, it's not everyday I get to be a "hot stuff"...literally...haha...however, it's also not sth to celebrate, cos I was a freaking jelly e whole wkend~! Felt so wasted...din study, din go teach swimming...juz slpt...

The headaches tt come w fever do not help too...and these headaches only come when I move about..urgh...which pretty much puts me in a spot...like VERY literally~

Well...at least I'm much much better now..still haf a bit of headaches now and then, but I'm still good..lolx...

Kudos to my fren(s) who expressed concern over e past few days..thanks pal(s)!

"Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend."

Did something today

2007-09-11T00:59:00.000+08:00

I did something today, that may change the way my family functions in the future...

I wrote an email to my dad, expressing my views and opinions. And also to explain my behaviour at home...

For those of u who noe of the situation btn me, and my dad, and for tt matter, my family, u will noe tt wat i did, actually takes a lot of courage, and needed a lot of pride to be put away...(but then again, for those who noe of such a situation, dun even noe i haf a blog..LOLx)...

I figured that sth has to be done...and like wat hock was telling me, as pple grow older, they let their pride get in e way of things...therefore, instead of waiting for things to happen, i decided to lower my own pride, and open up to my dad..I cc-ed e mail to my older brother, who then showed it to Gina jie..she too was very much willing to help..

I understand every bit of information she's putting across...but tt's e point i alrdy understood...I dunno...but i noe dad will be quite hurt after reading e mail, but sth has to be done...better now than later....i foresee a "family" wkend for me this wkend...

"The great gift of family life is to be intimately acquainted with people you might never even introduce yourself to, had life not done it for you."

Burnt out

2007-09-05T21:25:00.000+08:00

Whoar~~ I think I've hit my treshold limit alrdy...today I am feeling really very burnt out, shagged, and totally mindless...hahaz...

Spent a big part of the day today, recuperating lost energy and sleep..and yet, here I am still feeling like I juz swam the entire Atlantic Ocean!! I guess I need a lot of rest man...Things are starting to get heavy, and hectic...and it can only get worse.......

However, I am very content with the way the hall polo team are progressing...the things that make me happy =) ...so glad we have a good turnout this year, and everyone seems so enthu about it...I am foreseeing a good year for us... ^.^

Nobody reads this blog...but KEEP IT UP, GUYS!!!

Hahaha...

"Excuses: Some people have thousands of reasons why they cannot do what they want to. When all they need is ONE reason why they can..."

There goes

2007-09-01T00:36:00.000+08:00

I was juz striking off the last day of this mth... 31 Aug...gone...

There goes...one mth gone...4wks of school...gone...

Time really flies...i keep telling myself that..and w all e committment and responsibilities on my shoulders, time seems to have an accelerated effect...

Hall trainings haf begun to step up...and therefore, my shagness level has oso begun to step up...i'm slping more than i shd be...and then again...i am oso working/studying more than previously...i wonder...am i able to take it for the upcoming 9 wks?

I guess i have to ba...otherwise i will die..hahaha...

Preparing for IRAUG oso...dunno if this proposal will pull thru or not though...

Sighs...i am so tired...but so much things to do...guess i shd go get to slp first...

"What do not destroy me, Makes me stronger"

Meaning in my Life

2007-08-14T10:56:00.000+08:00

As i sit here at my table in hall..looking at the pic we took at our own FOC..the pic that holds the group we know as Zilos..The reminiscence of the past year flashes through my all-so-tired head...

The happy times...the sad times...
The rough times...the smooth times...
The times that just slipped away without a whisper...
The times that i wish cld come back...
The times that i wish din happen...

iTunes is so coincidentally playing "You're the Inspiration" by Chicago..

"You know our love was meant to be...
The kind of love that lasts forever..."

What was it that was ever meant to be?

"And I need you here with me..."

Who is it, again?

"From tonight until the end of time,
You should know, everywhere I go..."

Time nv stops..life shdnt either..with all that ups and downs...who's walking alongside me?

"You're always on my mind, in my heart...
In my soul..."

Ah yes...the important pple in my life...etched in my mind, kept in my heart, sealed within my soul..

"You're the meaning in my life...
You're the inspiration...
You bring feeling to my life...
You're the inspiration..."

So what exactly is the meaning in my life?Who exactly is my inspiration?Just exactly, why am i here?

"Wanna have you near me...
I wanna have you hear me sayin'
No one needs you more that I need you..."

You? Me? Him? Her? Them?
Who?

"And I know, yes I know that it's plain to see..
We're so in love when we're together..."

Yeaah~Right...

"And I know that I need you here with me...
From tonight until the end of time...
You should know, everywhere I go..."

I have lived..so much for others...when shd i live for myself?
I just need...someone...
To fill this empty void...To take it all away...
Or rather, to put it all in...

As i sit here at my table in hall..looking at the pic we took at our own FOC..the pic that holds the group we know as Zilos..The reminiscence of the past year flashes through my all-so-tired head...

JJ, FJ, Hock, XM, ZW, JM, Ivan, Isaac, Jerome, HM, Thanda, KaLeng, KT, QF, Remy, BY, Huimin, Des, Agnes, Sofi, Geri, Y.........ou...

Me...

"Always on my mind, in my heart in my soul..."

Start of new School term

2007-08-10T18:38:00.000+08:00

The start of the new school term...already been a week actually..

Now Yr2..time really flies..It's crazy though..this sem i think i will really slog hard...even if i dun wanna be hardworking..still will haf to slog like a madman....4 cores 2 electives...tt's really crazy...

FOC the week before...i was a sai gang warrior..haha..but tt's wat i do best...i'd rather help move things around than to mingle in crowds, do cheers and stuff..hahah..then again..tt's who i am too...

Freshies, seniors..it's all e same thing...my circle of frens remains bound to those who open emselves up to me...till now..i've made no new frens...neither haf i lost any old ones...well...then again..sometimes i'd wish i'd known more pple..HOWEVER, i'm content with the few good frens tt i haf...always being there to talk cock, and get suan..hahah...

New responsibilities this sem...am now the Captain of the waterpolo team (NTU) and oso Captain of the waterpolo team (Hall 6)..am still assuming the role to coach the swimming and waterpolo team in hall...need to bring up the standards..having said tt, it's oso my responsibility to bring up the uni's standard as well..

"Life's not about chances;
It's about choices..."

Whoa....one yr already

2007-07-27T21:06:00.000+08:00

ONE YEAR PASSED~

The date today is 27 July 2007. Time 2109 hours.

Was just talking to Hock online..Hall camp in 3days time...Like wow~! One year passed liao...Time muz haf undergone Jedi training at the School of Jedi Arts, or something...Because it's ANEH KIN (anakin)!!

So damn fast...was like...juz one year ago...I had my own hall camp, as a freshie!! Lo and behold, Hock was the first hall mate I've known..hehe..and now we're great pals...KUDOS to us, man! Anyway..i was saying....it's sooooooooooo fast! Coming into yr2 of studies now...wa feeling super old too..

The people I've known...The friends i've made...Team mates I've played with...So much has happen over this past year...The sadness, the happiness..The sufferings, the laughters...WOOT!

Hope this coming year wld be nother smashing year~haha...

So much more i feel like saying...but brain not thinking..and brother's music disrupting my peaceful mind... XD

Shall sign off here with a quote i think is quite inspirational...

"Don't look where you fall, but where you slipped"

Pissed~~~

2007-05-09T17:02:00.000+08:00

Yeah..i'm freaking pissed now..okayz..not tt pissed but quite pissed..

It's regarding my recent lab test.. ()*&(%$%^$#*%$#*(^#.. basket..the assistant explained to me the question wrongly and i got marked down for that! TMD..then i emailed to the marker to tell him (her?) that, but he (she?) replied saying that all have been explained to me..nothing more to be explained..NNB..

Haiz...now that wld mean i only haf A-, A and freaking C for my lab tests...! Next time..i'm gonna ask till tt guy freaking makes himself clear...chee *censored*...Hopefully this doesn't pull my overall grade down too much..farks...

"Gorgeous makes effort seems so effortless."

again~

2007-04-22T22:50:00.000+08:00

The date and time now is 220407 2254hrs.. it's been a while since i last blogged..probably cos there wasn't much to blog abt...no sad or happy feelings...nth much happened...life was so-so..

But recently, i've got that feeling again...that feeling of sian-ness..of loneliness..of utter emptiness..sighz...now with e exams, i juz dun feel like studying...it's crap man...juz total crap...my thoughts still dwell on her, yes..but tt has always been e case...however, it is coming at an increasing rate recently..GOODNESS~! I'm like standing at e edge of a cliff, taking in e beautiful scenic view of the vast ocean, enjoying every moment of it..but as e waves come crashing into the rocks, i feel a pull upon myself, as if wanting to jump over e cliff..

I'm all lost once again..gosh..dun feel like typing why i feel this way..juz felt like letting go some of my grievances..and i guess blogging is my only outlet for now~ T.T

"I'm like the night-time side of the moon where everyone on earth knows, but never ever sees..."

So sianzz

2007-02-27T14:44:00.000+08:00

Am at hall now..this is the term break..yep...term break..and i am in hall..haha...i am in hall cos i am forcing myself to study!!! but ar...it seems to be a failed purpose..cos i simply got no mood to study..sighz...

"I'd like to be close to you..
But when proximity is near zero,
I'd wish you were a lil' further..
It juz doesn't seem to fit,
The feeling and all..
Still wish you're here..
But you're not..
Will you ever be...?"

HelpzzzZZ..

2007-01-29T15:40:00.000+08:00

Help Help Help!!! I am coughing like a dying old man...hahaa..sighz..am feeling more sick than ever..Now that IHG swimming is over, i thought that i can slowly rest, slowly recover from my sickness..but alas, it's as if e body knows that it can finally get some rest, then it allowed the sickness to completely take over..

Now i am feeling like a dying old man..coughing as if i haf tuberculosis..shivering as if i haf had a long overhaul of hypothermia..nose blocked as if i kena pneumonia..gosh..i make it sound like i really AM dying..LOL..but ya..it's quite bad..zzzz....

Now that swimming is over..my job is done..am happy w e team's performance..we got 4th in e overall standings..i cldnt ask for more..in any case..i haf offered to conduct stroke correction trainings for e swimmers in e upcoming wks..and e response is pretty positive..i am rather pleased w it..though swimming is now over, and by doing this, i will add extra work on myself, but it is a rather satisfying feeling for me, to be able to help improve people's strokes and all..Not that i am a coach or trainer or anything..but it's still very satisfying..

Enough of swimming..next is IVP waterpolo...gosh...i heard that we are gonna haf 5matches in a row~! One wk 5 days..each day 1 match~!! talk abt exhaustion...die...hopefully it will all be planned properly..or i will CONFIRMED nv recover....

Having said that..it's time to sign off...need to study alrdy...so lagging behind...

wat am i to do?

2007-01-20T13:18:00.000+08:00

It's a saturday..i haf plans..but no one to carry out with..oh well...loneliness sometimes really stinks..but hey..i've been like tt for a long long long long time..can't complain, can i? It's raining now..so blardy heavily..it's like..e heart sinks together with e rain.. *gosh i think i am posting a sad post again* Anyway..talking abt e rain..i was walking ard J8 yesterday, and i saw this little quote on a bookmark..it's really quite meaningful:

"If u want to see the Rainbow, u must first embrace the Rain.."

Another one reads:

"Life is full of tides and waves..when one comes..u can choose to Catch a Ride on it..or get Overwhelmed by it.."

Reading this two..made me think back on e happenings of last sem..indeed,i had so wanted to see a rainbow..so i embraced e rain..indeed,tides and waves came..and i rode on em..however..as e situation unfolded, e rain stopped, e rainbow appeared..but, it juz wasn't mine to see..i was still riding on e waves..only to get overwhelmed by em.. the knowledge of getting no returns, really hurts..but wat can i do? Right now..i am juz doing wat lil' stuff i can..and if possible, to be able to catch juz a glimpse of tt rainbow..wld suffice my already torn and tattered soul..

As each day passes, there still exists not one day where i do not think of her..how long more will this last before i get to see e rainbow i so desire?or before ANOTHER rainbow appears?

Question is: Wld i wan the other rainbow?

New

2007-01-15T21:46:00.000+08:00

Been trying to blog like quite unsuccessfully..ok tt's an excuse..cos i hvn really tried blogging since my last post..haha..but hey..i did try..like a few days ago..but blogger din allow me to publish it..lolx...

Ok..so now i am back..(ya like after a million yrs)..time has moved on..it's e new sem..yeah..i am in yr 1 sem 2 now..(hurray).. Some things have changed...some things have not.. for those that have..it's only for good that they did..for those that have not...well..let's juz say some things nv change..for good, for bad; for better, for worse..no one will noe..yeah..

I for one, noe tt my direction isnt going to change..not in e near future anyway..(some of u will probably noe wat i'm talking abt..for those who dun..well..dun bother..)..and that is oso in view of that which some thing will nv change..yep..

In any case..it's a new sem alrdy..time to work hard..ok i mean study hard..and of cos..play even harder..IHG waterpolo season is over for Hall 6..but it's only the season tt's over..we shall make a comeback next yr..heh..

So there...my first entry for the...new year?haha...

It's Been Long

2006-12-19T15:27:00.000+08:00

It's been long since my last post..yeah...really long..ever since my last exam paper..i hvn blogged alrdy..been busying myself w waterpolo and loads of fun...well..fun as in playing games like i nv played b4..and i hvn been coming online since too...trying to forget a part of me that has integrated itself into my life..somehow..it doesnt seem to be working..oh wellz..

Recently..there's 2 waterpolo matches so far, for IHG..we won hall 9 w a score of 11-1 (recorded)...and hall 2 w a score of 8-4..next match wld most probably be hall 12..hopefully things will go smoothly for the team..things are gg quite well for us now that we haf beaten hall 2..One thing abt this IHG is the hall 6 blog!!!! they describe our matches till very kua zhang..!! haha...make me read till i down there say out loud "WTF!!"..lolz..

With that said..i guess i haf to maintain my form..to continue playing for the hall..hehe...

Another Day

2006-11-27T22:27:00.000+08:00

Today was my programming paper..juz within seconds after the examiner said,"u may start" i got stuck alrdy...ironically..the very first question was on a topic which i read when i first started my revision...DARN~! and there i was, forgot everything...shucks..

Anyway..my main topic for today isnt really abt e paper..it's done...yes...like wat she said.."it's done.." Quite saddening to think abt it....how we arent talking anymore..she appears, she says, "hi"..(sometimes not even addressed to me)..then disappears..sheesh..i am but an invisible man to her now..i understand that wat i haf done thus far has been very detrimental to e r/s btn us..but still..at least i am trying to salvage sth..

In the few wks tt she has so solemnly bo chap-ed me..i guess it was time to turn e table..i dunno...maybe it's juz me..seeing tt she treats me like this..so i guess i had to turn e table..now even myself oso dun wanna talk to her..(though deep inside really wanna chat w her)..but then again..she always say we can be frens bla bla bla..and yet every action, wrong..there is no action at all from her, depicting that of her trying to maintain our frenship..i've tried..even if not for a long-term bgr, but still for a long term good frens thing..but still..it's juz like tt..It was only juz now..that we had out so-called blk rep phototaking..(yeah..at quite a late time considering we haf been in this post for like almost 3mths?)..yeah..then i see her really quite happy..in a sense..she is like joking ard here and there...(no not w me of cos...tt day will probably nv come from now on anyway)...ya..then i juz decided to take my leave anyway..cos i din wanna spoil her mood by hanging ard..wat better situation than juz haf one person sad rather than two?and yup..i think i made an antisocial movement by juz leaving w/o even saying 'bye' to e rest...sighz...but nvm...i am quite antisocial anyway..

So like tt lor..it's juz saddening to noe that..two person who used to chat so much..share so much..suddenly juz switch off..nvm if it was for a romantic r/s or juz a frenly r/s..e fact of e matter is..things can juz disappear..which was wat i told hm yesterday anyway..(went to see cousy touchdown, of which i told her and she mentioned sth abt being sad tt pple leave for other country and dunno when can see em again).."people come and go..tt's life.." yeah..tt's wat i said..so it's probably e same thing w regards to this matter..this matter which has been my life for e past 3mths..(has it been tt long?)..

Yupz..so now...w e knowledge that she wont be here in NTU next sem onwards..it juz strengthens my decision to let go..maybe juz take a break..but letting go, though a very strong term, will sound better..It's ok la..she wants it this way..so be it...I've tried...failed..tried again..so many times..i guess..she juz wans to leave me at a position WAY~~~~ outside her circle of frens..some frens huh?

So be it...it's juz another day..of my godforsaken life..it's juz another day..and as wat KY will say..."Life still goes on..no one will wait for u.."

Teasers

2006-11-22T14:29:00.000+08:00

Garfield's words of wisdom:

we all get heavier as we get older
'cause there's a lot more info in our head.
so, i'm, not fat, i'm just intelligent.
and my head couldn't hold anymore.
so it started fillling up the rest of me!!!
that's my story and i'm sticking to it..

Boy-Girl
Girl: Do i ever cross ur mind?
Boy: No
Girl: Do you like me?
Boy: Not really
Girl: Do you want me?
Boy: No
Girl: Would you cry if I left?
Boy: No
Girl: Would you live for me?
Boy: No
Girl: Would you do anything for me?
Boy: No
Girl: Choose--me or ur life
Boy: my life
The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says...
The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.
The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.
The reason I don't want you is because I need you.
The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.
The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.
The reason why I'm not willing to do anything for you is because I would do everything for you.
The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life.

Pickup Lines
Hey baby lets play army I’ll lay down you can blow me up.

If your left is thanksgiving and your right leg is Christmas can I visit you in-between the holidays?

If I told you that you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?

You're like a Pringles. Once I pop you, I can't stop you!

I want to kiss you passionately on the lips, and then move up to your belly-button.

Is it hot in here or is it just you?

If you were a car door I would slam you all night long.

Baby, your so fine, I want to pour milk all over you and make you part of my complete breakfast.

How about you sit on my lap and we’ll straighten things out?

The Perfect One
It's like all of the bad stuff that you went through that you hated along the way: the people who disappointed you, the things that didn't go the way you wanted suddenly, you feel grateful for them, because those are the things that got you to here, to this.
I read once that love is friendship on fire. That's how I feel about you.
who ever you are.. somewhere, somehow i`m going to find you.. i wouldn't mind going all through those troubles again and again if it would lead me to YOU , whoever you are...

Why?

2006-11-16T10:06:00.000+08:00

Why is it that at this pt in time..I still think so much (of her)??
Why is it so, when e signs are so damn clear?

Why is it at this pt in time..My heart still beats (for her), wanting to belong??
Why is it so, when my world has crashed and crashed countless times?

Two options now, I guess:
1. Null the feeling...
2. Kill it...

First paper..Econs

2006-11-15T19:10:00.000+08:00

Well..today's e first exam paper of my uni life..at it is Econs..haa..

Fortunately for me, I have taken econs b4 for A levels..so e paper was relatively easy...One thing tt really bugs me was e fact tt i went to copy and past most of e answers to e back of e booklet.. -__-

The fact was...i read e instructions only at e end of e paper..haha..and one of e instructions said, 'begin your answer to each question on a separate page of the anser book.".. then i kena stunned..cos i did questions, like 1.(b) (i) and 1.(b)(ii) on one same page..and some others..which include 2.(a)(i),(ii) and (iii), 3(a) and (b), (c)(i) and (ii) and 4(a) and (b)..of which, ALL i went to copy and paste to the end of e booklet, EACH on one new piece of paper..then after i did so..i realised..'wat do they mean by each new question?' Does qn 1, 2 , 3, 4 account for 4 question?or 1(a) (i), 1(a)(ii), 1(a)(iii), 1(b) in this manner, account for 4 question?so basically i handed in my econs answer paper in quite a disorderly fashion..no doubt i din cross out those that i alrdy did initially...but my answers are in this manner now: 1(a)(i), 1(a)(ii), 1(b)(i), 2(a)(i), 2(b), 2(c), 3(a),3(c)(i), 3(d), 4(a), 4(c)(i), 4(c)(ii), 4(d), 1(b)(ii), 2(a)(ii), 2(a)(iii), 3(b), 3(c)(ii), 4(b)..

Like..WTF am i doing man?!?!

Feelings

2006-11-13T10:54:00.000+08:00

Yet another rainy day~
This week rain so many times..in fact everyday..
Make me feel like playing w words..hmm..mayb i shd, since i so long oso nv blog liao..

Feelings

Feelings..
Like the wind,
It comes and goes..
U do not see it,
And u do not feel it..
Without warning,
It blows u off ur feet..
Where it came from?
Where is it going?
Nobody knows..
Without warning,
The wind changes,
Bringing u crashing to the ground..
Tattered and torn,
The wind is gone..
Leaving only memories behind..

Feelings..
Like the rain,
It comes and goes..
U see the sky turn gray,
And everything is gloomy..
Without warning,
The rain drops..
Why today?
Why now?
Nobody knows..
Without warning,
The rain stops,
A sense of rebirth..
Anxiety and fear,
The rain has washed..
Leaving only memories behind..

Feelings..
Like the weather,
It comes and goes..
In a neverending cycle,
And everything changes with it..
Without warning,
It is bad..
Why this?
Why that?
Nobody knows..
Without warning,
It is fine..
Bright and gay,
Like it never had been..
The weather changes,
Leaving only memories behind..

Preps, props, lights, cameras..ACTION~!

2006-11-07T22:50:00.000+08:00

Exams in another 8 more days...EIGHT MORE DAYS~!! woot...this wld mean the first sem of uni life is coming to an end..ah wellz..prep for exams is going too slow...but at least i am picking up lots of stuff..esp electronics..i think this one..i can go *boom* anytime..lolz...

First paper is econs..gosh..i wonder if i can do it..after all, i have done econs for As..hopefully i dun flop this one..But it's e next paper that i'm really worried about..Electronics..haiz...i wan pengz alrdy..capacitance, inductance, BJT, inverters, diodes, fan-in, fan-out..time to pass out...

Hopefully the exams will go well for me..or at least..will be quite smooth..or there'll be no more ACTION for me..haha..

As it draws near

2006-11-05T22:13:00.000+08:00

woot~ stayed over in hall over the weekend...to catch up on studies..making quite good progress i muz say..but there is so much more i need to catch up..yup yup..but shall carry on working hard..haha...

Study till i wan go crazy alrdy..this weekend is pure study for me man..w a few occasional breaks of watching anime w ah hock..and both nights going supper..lolz...growing fat already..OMG..haha..

Hmmz...it's alrdy been quite a while since 'it' happened..but i still feel...as in...the feelings nv changed...heh...was talking to jer abt it today...she advised i move on and look for another..but my answer was this,"it's really difficult to find another when the heart's already settled on one.." hmmz...well well well...

As it draws near...the exams...argh..~! study study...i've wasted too much time thinking over matters tt are just, too much... <== ok i dunno wat i am saying here..

Back to studies...

Finally..

2006-10-30T00:01:00.000+08:00

Finally am back staying in hall..After a week long of not staying in hall cos of E-Learning week, I am back..Muahaha..ok..wat am I laughing abt?

Alrightz...back at hall means one wk closer to exams...DARN~!! I need to study I need to study!! Hmmz....yeah...I need to study...Lagging so far back...zzzz...

Ok...I wonder wat am I blogging? I guess I am juz trying to fill up the empty space btn now and like...my last post?haha...

A Sunday like today

2006-10-22T14:26:00.000+08:00

The day today is Sunday...A rainy sunday..

Woke up, to a rainy day..woke up initially at 10 plus..then decided to go back sleep..the next thing I know, it's 1.30..LOLz...Woke up today without so much an aching heart..well not as much as before alrdy..things are lightening up, within me, at least..I'm so glad I can finally see myself this way..heh..More to come, more to come.. =)

This coming school week is E-Learning week..I wonder if I shd go back hall..hmmz...well if I can manage to psycho daddy-o to lend me e car..then I won't! LOLz...haha...Shall see how la..hehe...

A Sunday like today...finally a day worth waking up to...

It's e wkend once again...

2006-10-20T20:50:00.000+08:00

It's e wkend once again...Once again...once again..once again, I come back home w an empty yet heavy heart..

So much I wanna say,
So much I wanna do..
But at e end of e day,
There's nth I can do..
I wanna cry out,
But the words that come out,
Are words that no one can hear..

The best words that reach a person's heart,
Does not come from one's mouth..
Words can hurt,
Words can heal..
But the one that hurts e most,
Is neither spoken,
Nor written..
It is SILENCE..

Shattered..
You came,
And shattered my heart to a million pieces..
Most others will,
Pick up e pieces one by one,
And slowly mend it back..
But I rather,
Pick up e pieces,
And place em one by one,
On e night sky..
As stars,
To shine and guide you,
Even through your darkest hours..

You came, and went..
You may not see me..
But e stars I've placed,
Are still shining ever so brightly for you..

Waterpolo..

2006-10-20T00:03:00.000+08:00

Recently, each time I go for any waterpolo training..I always train, or play like there's no tmr..good or bad?I dunno..I juz noe that..each time I go down, I juz wanna get rid of watever's tt churning inside me..

Take e recent saturday..I went down SAJC to train..I played for 3 hours straight there..NOT wanting to stop..despite the fact tt I was alrdy falling sick..but no..I juz wanted to continue..knowing in e back of my head that once I stop, I'll start thinking of many stuff again...

Today, juz now..we had training (the uni team)..and we played 4 qtrs of 10min each..I dunno wat's gotten into me, but I juz played liket there's really no tmr..even though I had performed better last time like yrs back, but juz now, I was really hooked..din wanna stop...I played e whole 4 qtrs...no doubt most other players did too...but I din wanna stop..in fact, right after the 4th qtr ended..I still wanted to play summore...There's juz so much in me...that I juz...wanna throw out...I juz wanna play till..I lay flat there...completely devoid of strength..completely devoid of energy...completely devoid of feelings...I juz wanna lay there...where e only thing tt will ever come to mind is: I need rest...but no..it juz doesnt happen that way...Still...I wanted to carry on...

Waterpolo, I guess..is my only form of outlet in this alrdy forsaken life of mine...I may look peaceful on e outside...but there's really too much going on within me..there's juz so much I wanna say..but I dunno how to go abt doing so..Everyday the pressure within me is building up..everyday I wanna juz do sth destructive...And my only outlet is that once or twice per wk where I have control of e ball..and place watever out-of-control stuff I haf into e ball..and juz whack..For those few moments, I feel lighter...and cos I feel lighter..I can carry on to juz whack...juz swim..juz throw..juz fight...juz do unto myself like there was nv even a myself in e first place..

But when the whole thing ends...e whole training ends...e pressure within me..builds up once more...and it builds up at an exponential rate..till it returns to e level it was b4 I started playing...I really wished that I cld juz play and play and play and play till I really lay flat..

There's juz...too much going on inside me...

Alone Again, Naturally

2006-10-19T17:46:00.000+08:00

Truly, a song that cannot be more appropriate to describe what I am going thru now..

In a little while from now
If I'm not feeling any less sour
I promise myself to treat myself
And visit a nearby tower
And climbing to the top will throw myself off
In an effort to make it clear to who
Ever what it's like when you're shattered
Left standing in the lurch at a church
Where people saying: "My God, that's tough
She's stood him up"
No point in us remaining
We may as well go home
As I did on my own
Alone again, naturally

To think that only yesterday
I was cheerful, bright and gay
Looking forward to well wouldn't do
The role I was about to play
But as if to knock me down
Reality came around
And without so much, as a mere touch
Cut me into little pieces
Leaving me to doubt
Talk about God and His mercy
Or if He really does exist
Why did He desert me in my hour of need
I truly am indeed Alone again, naturally

It seems to me that there are more hearts
broken in the world that can't be mended
Left unattended
What do we do? What do we do?

Alone again, naturally

Now looking back over the years
And whatever else that appears
I remember I cried when my father died
Never wishing to hide the tears
And at sixty-five years old
My mother, God rest her soul,
Couldn't understand why the only man
She had ever loved had been taken
Leaving her to start with a heart so badly broken
Despite encouragement from me
No words were ever spoken
And when she passed away
I cried and cried all day
Alone again, naturally
Alone again, naturally

"Alone Again, Naturally" by Gilbert O'Sullivan

Bother, Bothered, Bothering....

2006-10-17T15:09:00.000+08:00

Etched within me...
Things that are bothering me currently (in order of decreasing occurence):

1) Her..her...HeR..HEr..hEr..hER..her...Her..heR...HER...her...and her...*sheesh*

2) Studies..yes...I've lagged way too far behind..well...due to point number 1. and of cos e rest of e points that are coming up. Summore exams coming soon...

3) financial...FiNaNcIaL...fInAnCiAl...FINANCial...finance~!

4) Waterpolo...waterpolo...this can be divided to two parts.. one is my own waterpolo skills and training...i am still a long way before i actually attain half of wat i used to be..need to train~! need to train~! MORE MORE MORE!!! WHACK AR~! Secondly is about SA waterpolo..situation there doesnt seem to bode well...gosh...wat's going on man?

5) Swimming coaching and Lifesaving course~~~ cos i FAIL FAIL FAILED...argh...craps craps craps..

6) Friends, friendship..acquaintances, bad ass buddies~ argh! where is this leading me to?

7) My responsibilities...yes..w e likes of blk rep, sports subcomm and OC logistics in my hands..i am really feeling very irresponsible...i am sooooo bo zo gang...sighz...why why why??

8) Personal well being..have I considered too much for other pple till I have forgotten that there is this one other person that I need to take care of?MYSELF~

9) Other nitty gritty stuff that seems to be coming to bother me..Now and Then...Here and There..GOSH~!

10) What is life? What am I living for?

Sitting here..

2006-10-16T19:22:00.000+08:00

Sitting here all alone in my room, here in hall..slowly munching away on e spring roll i bought at jurong pt.....

Ah yes..i went to JP for no apparent reason once more...zzzz...while i was at it..my ez-link oso no money..was like "DIAOZ~!" x 1000...yeah...(shucks spring roll finish liaoz...) I also realised i went JP to walk only half a round of lvl B1..then i came back liao..WA LAO EH~! wat am i doing man?

Why is it that i see images of her in almost every girl i see?Yes...quite scary..juz today i saw a girl in lecture..and i almost thought it was her..like zzzzzzzzz...i am getting quite obssessed man..oh wellz..i juz went to haf a chat w ah hock while he was having dinner..i was mentioning..perhaps it's time to juz change my lifestyle..immerse myself in waterpolo..and my room..For this 4 yrs here..my life will be: waterpolo and my room..u dun see me at swimming pool means i am in my room..waterpolo, my room, waterpolo, my room, waterpolo, my room..watever..any one wan come visit me..ok lor..dun wan visit me..SO BE IT...i oso dun care..

Wow...tt sounds quite fierce..but i really was very excited abt it...sighz...

"No one lives for you except yourself.." perhaps i have taken the feelings and thoughts of others into consideration for FAR~ too long alrdy..perhaps it's time to live for myself..only for myself.."When e whole world is standing against you, you get back and stand up, ONE against e world!" Life is yours to live..choices are yours to make..take flight, or take the plunge..tt's also pretty much your own to decide..

But having said that, i still wanna continue fighting on..continue pressing on for wat i really believe in..however..as it is..it is one sided + she doesnt like me + everything seems to be against me..really makes one cui..but "I may have lost the battle, but I have not lost the war.." I shall continue to pick myself up..continue to remain positive in the light of all negativity around me..I may be the lone warrior in this battlefield..one against e world..but i shall stand tall, stand proud..e wounds are but a passing phase of yesterday's fight...painful as they may be..but it's thru these pain that i draw my strength..to noe tt i am living..to be proud that i am fighting for wat i perceive to be a worthy cause..no one may see me this way..but as long as i continue to fight..nothing in this world can stop me..

Should the final blow be struck onto me...it will only be because, i have no strength left..wounds aren't recovering fast enough..And as i draw my final breath, i will ensure that, w unwavering faith and solid hope, that all's well on ur side..And as i draw my final breath, i will ensure that i have alrdy done my best, it's time for me to rest..

As of now, the final blow is still very far..i noe i can continue on for quite a long long time..no help..nvm..no allies..nvm..rain or shine..i will continue..high or low..i will climb..back and forth..i will go..There and Back Again..my journey continues..

Till at last..in the blinding light, I will stand at e beginning of e end..At the end of what?I dunno..but as i stand there w weary feet, weak limbs, scarred body, bloodshot eyes..i will only noe wat kind of end it is..when the light dims itself...

Be it good or bad..watever the outcome..I juz wan her to noe tt..whether she sees me this way or not...

I am there for her..
Always have been..
Always will be...

Unanswered Questions

2006-10-14T20:38:00.000+08:00

Why?

Why have I fallen so much? Why do I feel this much abt her? Why do I see her this way? Why do I like her so much? Why is it that she always appear in my thoughts? Why does she take so much space in my heart? Why do I miss her so much? Why, when so much negativity has been dropped on me, do I still remain positive?

Unanswered Questions like these, can really make one go crazy...

Why have I fallen so much? I dunno..I guess..it's cos I have been on my own for way~ to long..so much so that when I finally find a girl to pin my hopes on, I completely loose control, and juz fall..fell till a depth beyond all depths..a faith beyond all faith..a hope beyond none....Why?

A Question like this, can really make one go crazy...

Why do I feel this much about her? Yet another simple yet profound question..Why?

A Question like this, can really make one go crazy...

Why do I see her this way? I have a target..I reached out..But all I grap..all I get..is something close to nothingness: Emptiness..An Illusion? I dunno..But I know she is there..Very much like a vision in a mist..I tried to reach out, extend my arms..but all I get is a blurred vision..I pull back, clench my fist..and look away..hopefully, I can see a clear vision again, so as to, once more, reach out for her..Why?

A Question like this, can really make one go crazy...

Why do I like her so much? Yes, why? She truly is wonderful..to have captured my life..My emotions are driving me wild..but yet..she remains on top of my list..So much has happened..Yet it seems that nothing has happened..I know that at this point in time, I am juz another guy left on the shelf, collecting dust..and yet..I still am very willing to give it my all, maybe even more..make the effort, maybe put in more..take the chance, even if none..for her..Why?

A Question like this, can really make one go crazy...

Why is it that she always appear in my thoughts? She must be really fit..to be always running across my mind..Wierd, isn't it? I am always thinking of her..whether or not she has made contact w me..whether or not I have seen her..whether or not I am sleeping..Whether or not...Why?

A Question like this, can really make one go crazy...

Why does she take so much space in my heart? She muz be a thief..to have stolen my heart..Subconsciously she has became a very big part of my life..I search within myself..and I no longer find myself..In fact..wat I see is..her..What is she doing in my heart?Then I look closely, I see myself..a very small myself, very much like an ant..running around her..w smiles all over His face..jumping around..trying to make her happy..trying to fulfill wat He hopes she wants..wat she needs..even if not wat He hopes to be, He still tries..But when He stops to rest..I can see that He is weary, worned out, upset, dejected, pretty much in a state where He tries to hide from her..But she doesn't see Him like that..With no one to share His woes, He continues on..yes..wat with e little attention He gets, yet He still carry on..carrying on running around her..carrying on trying..carrying on fighting..But she doesn't see Him like that..Yes, she doesn't see Him like that..To her, He is probably a piece of 'rubbish'..pest..Yes indeed, wat with the kind of treatment He gets, He still carry on..Why?

A Question like this, can really make one go crazy...

Why do I miss her so much? I muz be a poor shot..cos I keep missing her..Why?

A Question like this, can really make one go crazy...

Why, when so much negativity has been dropped on me, do I still remain positive? Is it the worth? Is it the value? Is it the rarity? Is it the heart? Is it the faith? Or is it plain I juz wanna be everything to her?

Unanswered Questions like these, can really make one go crazy...

Each time I see her w other guys..or each time I hear another guy eyeing for her..I get all riled up, all messed up..There's alrdy e big hurdle of her being attached..yet there are other small things tt's coming to disturb me..

A situation like this, coupled w the fact that I like her, can really make one go crazy..

She truly is wonderful, to have captured my life;
She muz be really fit, to be always running across my mind;
She muz be a thief, to have stolen my heart;
I muz be a poor shot, cos I keep missing her..

Why?

suddenly..

2006-10-13T16:56:00.000+08:00

Sigh...all of a sudden, i feel super sian..lolz..

Tried studying...read a few pages of notes...then started doing other shit stuff..tried playing games..(haha yes..i was mapling..)..but play like only 10min i logged out alrdy..hmm..something is wrong w me man..can't seem to get into e mood for ANYthing..crap crap crap..lolz..

I shd be crying out 'help~! help~! help~!' instead..haha..hopefully when this wk is over..i will haf done sth...like study for econs..or play better..haha...

Tmr is SAJC open house..oh man..another day wasted...well since it is a saturday anyway..doesnt make much of a difference..

ZZzzzZZZzzzZZZzzzZZZz

2006-10-10T23:21:00.000+08:00

I failed my swimming coaching theory test~~~ T.T

Upset~

Haha...oh wellz..e only consolation i can get is..out of e 5 pple who took it..only one passed! haha...only isaac passed...(**^&%&$#!@%!##@

Yet..

2006-10-08T17:48:00.000+08:00

Yet another week has passed..time really is crawling..but at e same time..it is flying..

Things are moving..and yet...things seem to be e same...

What do one do, when everything ard him is but an illusion..when he is one up against the world?What do one do, when he falls time and again, find renewed strenght time and again?But all the answer he ever gets, is uncertainty..and YET..he does not falter...and YET..he carries on..hoping that one day, this uncertainty turns to certainty..to a time beyond oblivion...to a time that belongs to him..

How long more can he keep up?How long more can he press on?How long more before he sits down and says, 'hey..tt's enough..'?

He juz hasn't given up..
Is it a matter of not giving up?IS it a matter of fighting for what he really believes in?

Or is it a matter of "yet"?

1st day of October

2006-10-01T19:23:00.000+08:00

The very very first day of October..Children's Day..how many yrs haf i not celebrated this?haf i, in my whole life till today, wasted time on stupid things?on things tt juz makes one weak?

Wasted..wasted..wasted..Even this recess week has also been a waste..i am wasting my life away..the lost sheep is finding it harder and harder to pick himself up..Sad~

Perhaps..perhaps..perhaps...

1st day of October..Children's Day..Why do i feel this way?

Saturday, Sep 30, 2006

2006-09-30T14:23:00.000+08:00

"Where the Heart longs, it does not Belong..
What the Heart wishes, it gets Misguided..
Who the Heart wants, it gets Rejected..
When the Heart turns Black..
Everything else is just an Illusion..."

Pain is no longer wat i feel..i think i am pretty much null to pain alrdy..now i am feeling sth else..
Sth more profound..yet at e same time..simple..
Sth tt cannot be explained....yet understood..

What is joy?What is pain?
What is love?What is hate?
What is it that life gives?
What is it that life takes?
What is life?

How does the heart endure all that life has in store for it?Love as it is..very much like Hate..is a double-edged sword..

"Where the Heart longs, it does not Belong.."
What am I fighting for?Where do I wanna be?the answer is clear..but e answer itself..is too far..

"What the Heart wishes, it gets Misguided.."
I wish, I wish, I wish..but it is never answered..much like an unanswered prayer..I can only carry on wishing..More often than not, I haf to bring myself back..

"Who the Heart wants, it gets Rejected.."
That goes without saying..

"When the Heart turns Black..
Everything else is just an Illusion..."
I am experiencing Tsunami, Bliazzard, Thunderstorm, Sandstorm, what have you, ALL in waves..after waves..after waves..but I keep picking myself up..time and again I noe I lose sth..but time and again..I tell myself not to give up..
Yeah..but if this keeps up..I might become a person w no feelings..after all..I no longer feel pain alrdy..I've always thought that feelings can co-exist w everything life has to give..but now it seems..it is time to throw away feelings..it is e dreadful thing..it is time to set my priorities..perhaps it is e time..to withdraw myself back to my own world once more..be totally devoid of feelings altogether..be that idiot sitting in e dark corner..caring only for himself..be alone..Once more..Sometimes..the best place to find Serenity..is within oneself..

I now am a lost sheep once again..My life is looping ard..as a sheep..First time was after e break..this sheep got so lost..that it took him quite some time to recover..but he got up..he got up..took some time..but he got up..then after some time..he was founded by a nice shepherd..which he grew fondly close to..however..the shepherd..kinda left..leaving e sheep lost once again..but he got up..he got up..took lesser time than before..but he got up..However at this pt in time..e sheep grew ever more wary abt shepherds..ever more wary abt life..so much so that he abstained from shepherds..why, even herds of sheeps he oso nv got close..and then one fine day..another good shepherd came along..initially the sheep was very wary..he was very cautious..but somehow..he drew closer to e shepherd..but still keeping his distance..Soon he put his guard down and thought tt he finally found a good shepherd to be with..However it was not meant to be..the shepherd has another sheep..he was really sad..really sad..but he knows he has found a good shepherd..so he got up..he got up..he remained close ard e shepherd knowing tt e existence of e other sheep will rid his own very existence..but he remained..he remained..as it is..time went by..he remained..but along e way..many a times,this sheep sat down, all depressed, all down, all lost..but he got up..he got up..took not much time at all..but he got up..continued staying near e shepherd..however it was not meant to be..e shepherd suddenly said e other sheep doesn't want him around..disapproves of e shepherd contacting him..Now the sheep is lost once again..This time around..can he get up?can he get up?only time will tell..but..can he get up?

There's just so much in my head now..I wanna go back to being alone again..But I noe I will regret if I give up now..I wanna press on..press on..press on..
Faith comes from within..within means e heart..but e heart is weak alrdy..what is there for me to believe in now?Where do I get my strength?How do I go on?

Wow..i haf typed quite a lot..but there is so much more i wanna say..but i guess..a picture speaks a thousand words..i haf found a picture tt best describes my feelings, my situation, my heart..right now... >>>>

How To Keep a Healthy Level of Insanity

2006-09-23T21:00:00.000+08:00

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Everytime someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in".
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over thier caffine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."
7. Don't ever use punctuation marks.
8. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
9. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
10. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
11. Sing along at the opera.
12. Go to a poetry recital and ask loudly why the poems don't ryhme.
13. When standing in a crowded elevator, peer into your purse or briefcase and whisper, "Got enough air in there?"
14. Put mosquito netting around your desk or cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Remember that elevator we were talking about? Make explosion noises every time someone pushes a button.
17. When money comes out of the ATM machine, scream "I won, I won!!! Third time this week!!!"
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives! They're loose!!"
19. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go..."And the final way to banish boredom...
20. Send this to everyone in your email address book(including yourself), even if they sent it to you or asked you not to send them stuff like this.

Food for thought..

2006-09-23T20:37:00.000+08:00

Yet another article i extracted from my older blog...enjoy..
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"It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by the dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions and spends himself in a worthy course; who at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who, at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly; so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory or defeat."
THEODORE ROOSEVELT(Paris Sorbonne,1910)

I recently also came upon another food for thought..it reads: "we live in a Newtonian world of Einsteinian physics ruled by Frankenstein logic.."
How very true...

i bet u will read this twice~!

2006-09-23T20:30:00.000+08:00

I posted this in my older blog..but decided to pull it here..to lighten e mood..hehehe...
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A bus stops and two Indian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Den I come one lasta time."

YOU FOUL-MOUTHED PIG," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa?I'm justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'MISSISSIPPI'."

life's beautiful~

2006-09-21T16:47:00.000+08:00

yep..i guess i finally snapped out of it..hmm..more or less la..Still falling..but definately not getting myself to e sad pit..

Life is beautiful..hmm...hvn i always been telling myself that?perhaps recently i got too consumed by my feelings that i juz overlooked this..Whatever it is..i now haf a renewed renewed strength..time is still of e essence here..but heck..i can wait...after all..i came here w nothing..worse come to worse..i leave w nothing..

Alright..so much for renewed strength..i am feeling like jelly now..juz came back from a swim..swam 38 + 4 + 4 today..yep..1.9km laps to juz cui myself...4 laps each to warm up and cool down..wa..i really am feeling good..juz..a bit jelly-like..haha..now need to work on my timing alrdy..

Studies so far..alright la..programming is good..maths..err..so-so..electronics dun need say...it has sunk..LOLz..(i still a bit searching for my HQ)..shall elaborate more on this some other time..now a bit butter fingers to really type..

Life's beautiful~
it sure is..

However...i'll still be waiting....

My first sad blog

2006-09-18T23:58:00.000+08:00

Ya..and this was supposed to be "another phase" in my life..telling myself no more sadness is to be felt anymore..but i guess..it juz doesnt work that way..

And so here i am..my very 1st sad blog..of this blog..

It's really saddening..i dunno wat to do now..all of a sudden..my whole world juz crumbled..and all of a sudden..happiness is taken away from me..and all of a sudden..i am all alone..once more..

I found hope..afterwhich e strength to carry on..then all was taken away..like it was not meant to be..i then found renewed strength again..but..somehow..i keep getting weak..i haf to constantly remind myself..that i muz hang on..i haf finally found wat is truly worth fighting for..and i cannot let myself down..

I am juz hoping..things will work out...somehow...SOON~

My alrdy frail heart..i'm afraid..is unable to take anymore heartbreaks...

I feel like i am wearing a mask now..showing a somewhat happy exterior..when deep inside..the world's churning like there's no end..i noe tt things cannot be e same again..but at least..for now..at least..do not forsake me....

I'm Losing Myself...

2006-09-17T13:13:00.000+08:00

I...

I'm losing myself...

Self-reflection: a crossroad?

2006-09-11T00:54:00.000+08:00

haf i come upon a time now..where i haf met yet another crossroad?

nope..not academically...not physically..not in terms of anything tt i haf been doing thus far..Sighz..juz wat is it tt i shd do?Morally, i noe i shdnt exist..physically, i noe i shd juz be there to be there..emotionally, my place is everywhere..
Experience and morale says i shd back out..and move on..
Heart and mind says stay put at e crossroad..and see wat happens..and see wat time has to offer..
Feelings, all over e place..wanna go everywhere..sheesh..

Crap..wat am i saying man?lolz..

As of now..my choice is at staying put..not that i made a choice..but i am juz..waiting...waiting..time..is of e essence here..

"Chances come to those who persist."

Am i persisting?Or am i juz waiting for a chance?what am i doing, really?
Am i juz wasting my life?what are my options?
Am i giving myself a chance?Or is chance forsaking me?

Or..is chance no longer a factor in my life?

Life's questions..left unanswered..can make one feel so lost..at e same time..make one
feel e need to get stronger..

I guess..i am taking things as they come..

"If it's yours..it's yours.."
If it isn't, it isn't..

Heck..life still goes on..

aiks~

2006-08-30T00:01:00.000+08:00

wa lao eh...1st blogger took so long to load...then it published an empty post...zzzzzzzzzzzz...

ehz...went for a swim again today...(wa i machiam everytime blog is blog my swim)..
haha...anyway...swam 28+4 laps today...Yay~! and i picked up my speed...and realised i cld maintain..so happy...

But..still got long way to go...need train more...and EAT more~!

another wkend

2006-08-27T16:12:00.000+08:00

Wa...so fast another wkend is here...no wait..it is gonna be over soon..haha..

well i sure am having fun though...but..time sure flies when u are having loads of fun huh?now in hall..meet lots of new frens..yep yep..but there sure were some time i felt bored man..heh...but all in all..i am really hving lotsa fun..

Yesterday was e DnD..quite alrite..and i was e only idiot wearing a somewhat casual outfit..lolz..while everyone else was in formal..hahahaha...but i am alrite w it..(though quite a few times i juz felt like gg home)..after all..it defines me...LAZY and LAIDBACK...hahaha..

Fun aside...studies really..making me crack my brain man..haha..maths quite ok..though can kill...but electronic circuits...really ONE HIT KO...hahahahaha..sighz..muz work super hard..

Swish~

2006-08-24T00:55:00.000+08:00

hmmz..was supposed to blog like 10hrs ago after e swim...but guess i was too lazy till now la..

anyway..abt e swim..i swam 24+4 laps making it 1.2km (quota) + 200m (warm up)...arms din get sore tt easily now though...but still quite bad as i still cannot maintain high energy swim..completely reached high lactic acid stage very early...like within e 1st 10 laps...so need more training..but i am glad there is improvement...

Stamina needs a lot of working on...5% of wat i used to haf..juz doesnt feel good...oh wellz...need to train more..

School....wa 3wks liao...so fast...really fast...time flies like pple farting...release and gone~

Juz last mth i was like celebrating my bd and spending e time slacking at home...now am like spending e time racking my brains over circuit analysis and programming and such..haha...oh well...but life's good...

Wanna go see Rinko man...see how she's doing...heh...

Thursday, Aug 17, 2006

2006-08-17T19:40:00.000+08:00

Yes..! e green light has finally been given to go down SA to train every saturdays..woot...finally man..Freaking thing took so long to settle...however there shd still be some conflicts among e 2 schs..shall go find out from mark soon..and see wat i can do..so dumb...same background...same homeground..but still got conflicts..wtf..

But whatever la..as long as we can haf e pool to use..shall juz take things one at a time..

Time to bring my polo training up to e right tempo...heh...went swimming yesterday and today..same results..as arms still get sore very easily..1km yesterday 1.1km today..hopefully i can hit 2.5km by next mth..need to bring my stamina up to at least 50% of wat i had before...now i machiam floating log w only 5% fitness of wat i had yrs back.. terrible news.. -.-"

Hmmz..ok..so it is a thursday today..tmr last day of e wk in sch..heh...sch's great..juz quite boring at times..but ya...things are going quite well...so far..

juz filling up e space..

2006-08-16T10:19:00.000+08:00

yep.am juz filling up e space here since it was quite a while back from my last blog entry..

Lesson juz ended...which oso means my classes has ended for e day..heh..wednesdays i only haf one lecture in e morn...and tt's all for e day..

Lappie collection...8Flags sure haf a screw up system man...Grrrr...watever...hopefully i can get mine today..

Leaving for clementi soon..

After tt shall come back..(hopefully got new toy to play)..then go swim swim swim...Time to train...

Bundles of joy

2006-08-12T22:14:00.000+08:00

My nephew and niece...aint they cute...?

They make me feel so old man~haha...

zzzz

2006-08-12T20:31:00.000+08:00

juz exactly wat is happening man?juz when i tot life is gg well..things start to turn sour again..zzzz

not tt it is happening directly to me..but..well let's juz say person A and B..and C..

A is leaving but cant seem to find e time to meet B..B is pissed after so long of trying to meet up w A..and now..things are like..bad...C noes B is pissed but dun wanna tell A..so C decides to do everything on his own in hopes things will turn out right...

Gosh...hope things turn out right...

New bundle of joy~~

2006-08-09T18:27:00.000+08:00

Rinko was born yesterday noon~~ yay~

New baby to play with...not tt franco is boring..but it is sooo gonna be fun...though i haf alrdy started sch and am staying in hall... -___-

haha...righty...new addition to e family...so nice...haha...

cousy if u are reading this..better buy another extra prezzie when u come back...

Gosh~

2006-08-06T21:13:00.000+08:00

Gosh i am soooo shag man...

hvn felt this shag since dunno when..ha...

past wk haf been hall orientation, w e last day being quite irritating though..
oh wellz...

Guess it's all over..(shall put in more details next time)

Time for school~~~~~

I am soooo dun wanna go sch..lolz

Last Day

2006-07-30T14:37:00.000+08:00

o.0

e last 20 odd hrs b4 my free days are over...haha..

i slack too much le la..now haf to go sch soon..

Hall orientation tmr man...and mom keeps bugging me to go to e hall to cleanup~~~~~~~~~~~~

ZZZzzzzZZZZ...i can take care of myself man...oh wellz...

The next phase is near...

still looking

2006-07-27T22:01:00.000+08:00

eh..how come this post (was) empty?

anyway..wat i typed was i still looking for a template for this blog..

so hard to find a nice one man..perhaps i shd stick to this..

ah yes..i finally added e tag-board..

lazy

2006-07-27T21:59:00.000+08:00

i really need to do sth abt my laziness man...

hopefully uni will change me...haha.....................................

today

2006-07-22T11:10:00.000+08:00

celebrating bd today..

Heh heh heh...

Old alrdy T.T

Starting........

2006-07-06T03:27:00.000+08:00

Alrighty..new blog..err but as it seems..still very rough..

I wanted to add a last update to my previous blog..but...e stupid thing got error...my whole template disappeared~! gosh...(and to think i went to type out one big chunk of crap)..lolx..

ok whatever..i guess tt means tt it was time to put tt aside..

Now is e new phase..time to move on...

(though i think..this blog will collect dust anyway)